i've got the rainly day blues

why does everything seem impossibly far away when it's raining and you were planning to go somewhere by bicycle. currently, this is the predicament i am in. i've been preparing all week for my family to come stay with me for what will be a total of 3 days. now i want to leave my house. i still have piles of paperwork that i said i would file before they arrived, but, i think i may be slightly attached to them. and so they remain. and i want some fresh air. i need some fresh air. my plan was to go to the farmer's market to pick up a few things for their visit, but now the rains have set in. the problem. i only have a front fender and lack the desire to be putting on waterproof clothing. and i'm in no mood for a wet bum. 20 minutes. that is all it would take to get me, my small bundle of money, and a bag ready to be filled there. but an evening of chills would be the repercussions. oh my. i am ready for fall but i wasn't planning on winter yet! so now i am surrendering to the fact that i am house bound and most likely will be spending my evening out on my front porch. i guess i may as well make the best of it and prepare myself a cup of tea, wrap myself in a blanket, and watch the runoff drip down jackson, carrying fallen leaves and rubbish with it. despite the fact that i am "'stuck" at home, it certainly is beautiful from my porch...

twenty two pounds of peaches.

a couple of markets ago i placed an order for a case of seconds peaches. yesterday i was able to pick them up.

over the course of the past two days they have been sliced and frozen, snacked on, put into jars (14 to be exact)to be savored later, snacked on, consumed as blended alcoholic beverages, snacked on yet again, juiced and drank as pure nectar sweetness, and attacked by the swarms of fruit flys invading my kitchen.

now there are only four lone little peaches left sitting in a bowl on my counter and i'm already mourning there departure.

it has been a sweet couple of days...

(photos coming soon)

oh...Miss Jackson...my head is a little fuzzy

yesterday i found out that in fact, the owner's are selling Miss Jackson, the house i currently like to call home,to developers. and my head is a little fuzzy. i'm saddened and overwhelmed by this recent bit of news.

i have only been living in my home since may, but these past months have meant more to me than most can imagine. "Miss Jackson" has been a saving grace to my soul. i moved in after a long and coming break-up from my partner of almost four years. prior to this i had been in a beautiful home i once only dreamed of. a house i shared with my partner and a mutual friend, where i was able to paint the walls any color over the rainbow, space to create and a glorious wood shop. i tore up the front yard and began to sculpt gardens i had been visualizing for years. and mala mala mumbasa, my perfection of a kitty. so with the loss of the relationship came the loss of many other things that fed my heart and soul.

life transitions have taken there toll on me in 2008.

but i am a believer that with change comes opportunity. new growth.

i am naturally a solitary person. i'm not one for chatter. i like silence. i like being in my head. i am a poor communicator. words don't come easily. what this means...people, friends, don't always know what i'm experiencing when i am experiencing it. because these thoughts, these feelings, are mine. i'm not good at sharing them. often times people have expectations that i should open my floodgates of thoughts to them. but should i? is that what's best? only time will tell. for i am experimenting with opening the gates. it's a slow process. but this blog, this is my attempt at letting other's in. (plus, nobody knows about my blog so who's really reading it.)

ok. miss jackson. a beautiful green house, yes the color green but also a household that attempts to be "green". located on jackson street in the central district bordering leschi in seattle.

a neighborhood filled with life. people are always on the street...some making positive use of their time, others, well, not so much. but there are people out none the less. young and old. some smile. some say hello. some even strike up conversation. share a bit of history of the neighborhood or how their families have influenced it. then there are the youngins who hang out in front of the church and corner store on a daily basis who pretend not to see me...day in and day out as i pass on foot or bicycle. i know we see each other. but then, one day, i get a smile, just from one them. and i feel as though this world is not so closed off.

my roomies. two beautiful individuals. one an animator, educator, and inspired creator. his presence exudes warmth. his dream interpretations and visions blow my mind every time he shares another story...usually around the kitchen table. when i first moved into the house he was the wild card. i barely new him and didn't know what to expect. turns out i think he may be my housemate soul mate. a bit extreme, but he really is an ideal living partner. the other an amazing musician and writer. i am blessed with his dedication to his practice of the upright bass. daily i get the listening pleasure of his warm-up scales and then full-on sessions.

they have been more than great roommates. they have been my 2008 male role models. i've had and have amazing male friends. i've had wonderful male partners. but i've never grown up with a strong male presence. men have always fascinated me. confused me. and they continually surprise me. i speak in the terms of men interacting with other men. i realized when i saw one of my roommates hug his friend tightly and tell him that he loved him before he set off on the road, that that truly may have been my first time witnessing such. a man expressing raw emotion to another man in a platonic fashion. and that is not right. how could i have missed this? surely in the 28 years that my heart's been pumping i have witnessed such at least once? i don't think so. at least not where it made an impact on me like it had that day on the stoop of miss jackson.

let me re-focus. yes. my garden. so i lost my garden with the break-up, but i gained another blank canvas. i didn't want it to be just the house's garden this time, so i rounded up a couple dear friends to become a part of the creation. we dug for days, and then i dug some more. it evolved from a small rectangle, to an L shape, to a big massive square that i decided would have spiralled brick paths through it (to break the mold of the square...because frankly i am so over rows...i get enough of that at the farm). michelle and i decided an event like garden planning deserved a call to celebrate. so we went out for ethiopian and planned our garden design on a bleached paper napkin. we sketched brick laying options over a veg platter and a bottle of imported beer. then we decided what should go into our garden. we giggled so much over our excitement for what was to come.

and i think this garden has been the most beautiful yet!

so with the realization that my future at miss jackson is limited, i am faced with another break-up. a break-up from my saving grace that i found at miss jackson's place.

currently my mind is filled with simple thoughts...is it worth planting garlic this fall since it takes the whole year to grow. the garden may not exist then. if someone were to be moving in to enjoy the harvest then there would be no question. cover crop. i fucking love the beautiful crop that it is. but you plant it with the intent to improve your soil for future years. if my garden has a limited future, what's the point?

or is now the time to finally succumb and become a p-patcher. i never thought of this as a satisfactory option. i guess i thought that when the time came that i starting gardening in a p-patch that it was my soul surrendering to the fact that i was dependant on government land. that i couldn't provide for myself what i needed. wanted. my very own garden. on my turf. and this is silly because i thing the whole concept of the p-patch is brilliant. in fact i love almost everything about it. maybe i'm just pissed and cynical with developers that i'm taking it out on the p-patch. but i want my own garden on my own land.

i'll miss my male roll models. our little bungalow together. the warmth that came with it.

apparently housing stability has not been my forte these past couple of years. when i moved into miss jackson, i came in with the idea that this would be my home for a while.

and so, change is in my future. so i lift the chin. think. it is time to re-group. time to re-organize. deep breath. time to look to my ever growing list of life goals and look to check another off.

soon it will be time to build another garden.